Good evening :-) Wanted to do a little life update today. A..
Added 2021-11-20 01:03:08 +0000 UTCGood evening :-) Wanted to do a little life update today. As some of you may or may not have guessed, I’ve been having a bit of a hard time since coming back from my holiday to England. To be completely honest I’ve really been struggling. These past two years, with the pandemic, has been tough for all of us. I’m not exception to that. It’s probably been the time I’ve felt most alone, and isolated, not just because of lockdowns but because I was in a country so far away from everyone I knew. I’m no stranger to moving to a new country and making a new life. But this time I never felt so homesick before. Finally being able to go visit my family and friends after so long was both a huge relief but also a heavy weight. Coming back to America I realise it’s been two years but I’m still only starting out. Now things are opening up again I can finally start to socialise and try and make friends in my new home. Join some clubs and communities maybe. It’s exciting. And daunting. The feelings of isolation and loneliness came back, and I’m scared to go out there and discover people. I feel I don’t know how to connect with people any more. I’m scared to be alone but I’m scared to make the steps forward. It’s like a mountain in front of me. I’m sure you’ve felt that way before. Right now every day I feel so weighed down, by a thousand different anxieties. Funny how when you’re struggling everything even little every day tasks feel heavy. I’m trying my best. But I feel like I’ve been letting myself down, in many ways, but also with work and content making. Then I spiral into feeling shame and guilt over it, putting me in a position where it becomes even harder to start. Repeat this but in many facets of my life and ta-dah this is how I’m currently an. Struggling. Scared. Surviving. But through all of that I know deep down that I can pull myself up. When you’re at the bottom there’s only one way to go after all! I’m able to continue and say “ok let’s try today, and if not today let’s try again tomorrow” because I know I have the support of an amazing community behind me. Thank you for supporting me. I don’t think words would be able to convey how much my gratitude goes.
